B.U.F.Y. 9: Close Encounters of the Third Kind

Baby, Uncle and the Final Year (B.U.F.Y.) 9: Close Encounters of the Third Kind

Links for Part1, Part2, Part3, Part4, Part5, Part6, Part7, Part8 (Links to future parts will be available in comments)

Uncle’s Bear Bottle Bottom-up: With yet another treat by Bio-Techies for the reason of why-do-we-need-a-reason-for-after-placement-party. Uncle came, drunk, straight to my room and announced aloud that he had managed to drink a full bear bottle without getting sleep in between. For your information, Uncle used to be a great drinker in his boasts only. Uncle had this habit to doze off after having half a bottle of bear, at most. I disbelieved and continued listening Iron Maiden. Uncle left the room in frustration.

Half an hour later, late in mid night, Baby knocked the door to go and check whether Uncle was alive. Uncle was watching South Park with immense concentration and was cutting the skin near to his thumb’s root. (It always gave me creep!) We sat next to him and kept bugging until he shut the show and was ready to dance on ‘Namak Ishq Ka’ song. (I really amazed how we had come to this decision.)

Dancing, dancing… suddenly half the way of the song, I didn’t know what came to Uncle’s drunk brain, he popped his shaking bums out (as if it wasn’t a part of his body) and pulled his tracks down showing his bare posteriors. I certified that Uncle had had a full bear bottle inside his belly.

This was the third time in two semesters when Uncle did it without any regret in future. Oh, yeah, I forgot to mention the second time. It was the time when Dharmu came to Kgp for our placement treat and Uncle made a camera captured show of his pee-pee.

Uncle, Baby, Kgp’s Psycho and all about ‘Indian Flag on Mars’: Very few notice that the iron giant of Frankenstein age that stands next to Tagore Open Air Theatre (TOAT) near IIT Kharagpur institute gate is supposedly a coal refining plant. It is a group three great tin cylinders, one main cylinder of 25 – 30 feet height and 2 feet diameter is accompanied by two relatively smaller ones in height and diameter. All the three were having a conical cap at the top, like a chimney. The main cylinder had pipes connecting it to the auxiliary ones and a big iron pipe coming out of the main cylinder and going into the ground by making three weird elbow turns. The color was Communist Red with rusty red variation in hue which was giving it a perfect look of a ‘once a great technology now abandoned’ look. (Unfortunately, it was painted with water-proof shiny color in mid 2007)

With our now (after placement) more frequent visits to staff canteen and Nescafe, we happened to talk about this ferrous crap occasionally – comparing with all kind of thing that could remotely look like this (believe me you are not going to like if I tell you all the stuffs we compared it with). Uncle and I came up with this fantasy story about ‘Did Indians Land on the Mars?’ It was a conspiracy theory, which proves that Indians actually went to Mars in AD 1952 much before USA guys claimed to flag Lunar. We, actually, had a plan to create a video documentary on it but could not.

The theme follows closely with ‘Did we land on the moon?’ except the motive. This documentary proves that Indians did land on the Mars contrary to the mentioned one. The story goes something like this.

Characters:

R and D Center: IIT Kharagpur.

Chief Design Engineer: Prof M. Ramanujam. (Mechanical Engineering Department)

Astronauts:

1. The mad Bengali Communist whom you can see shouting on the road with a side cloth-bag. Legends tell that he was a research scholar at the institute when he got lunatic (or marsite). Since then he never left IIT Kgp campus somehow managing his living necessities. One can easily find him near Harrys’, barking in Bengali mixed English – some time on real big issues like American monopoly and intrusion in Iraq.
   
   
2. A weird red dog. It was one of those dogs that give you a shiver in spine – not because they are monstrous but because they look like one of those Resident Evil dogs. You feel pity and angry at the same time.

The Martian: Imagine someone whom you enjoy to torture.

Continue reading >>>

Did Indians Land on the Mars?

Did Indians Land on The Mars? - A Documentary

Very few notice that the iron giant of Frankenstein age that stands next to Tagore Open Air Theatre (TOAT) near IIT Kharagpur institute gate is supposedly a coal refining plant. It was a group three great tin cylinders, one main cylinder of 25 – 30 feet height and 2 feet diameter - was accompanied by two relatively smaller ones in height and diameter. All the three were having a conical cap at the top, like a chimney. The main cylinder had pipes connecting it to the auxiliary ones and a big iron pipe coming out of the main cylinder and going into the ground by making three weird elbow turns. The color was Communist Red with rusty red variation in hue which was giving it a perfect look of a ‘once a great technology now abandoned’ look. (Unfortunately, it was painted with water-proof shiny color in mid 2007)

With our now (after placement) more frequent visits to staff canteen and Nescafe, we happened to talk about this ferrous crap occasionally – comparing with all kind of thing that could remotely look like this (believe me you are not going to like if I tell you all the stuffs we compared it with). Uncle and I came up with this fantasy story about ‘Did Indians Land on the Mars?’ It was a conspiracy theory, which proves that Indians actually went to Mars in AD 1952 much before USA guys claimed to flag Lunar. We, actually, had a plan to create a video documentary on it but could not.

The theme follows closely with ‘Did we land on the moon?’ except the motive. This documentary proves that Indians did land on the Mars contrary to the mentioned one. The story goes something like this.

[read this story real s--l--o--w.]

Characters:

R and D Center: IIT Kharagpur.

Chief Design Engineer: Prof M. Ramanujam. (Mechanical Engineering Department)

Astronauts:

1. The mad Bengali Communist whom you can see shouting on the road with a side cloth-bag. Legends tell that he was a research scholar at the institute when he got lunatic (or marsite). Since then he never left IIT Kgp campus somehow managing his living necessities. One can easily find him near Harrys’, barking in Bengali mixed English – some time on real big issues like American monopoly and intrusion in Iraq.
   
   
2. A weird red dog. It was one of those dogs that give you a shiver in spine – not because they are monstrous but because they look like one of those Resident Evil dogs. You feel pity and angry at the same time.

The Martian: Imagine someone whom you enjoy to torture.

The Story:

IIT Kharagpur is India’s first national engineering institute. There was a reason why unlike all other IITs, this IIT had no foreign collaboration in its foundation and why is it situated in the mid of unknowns of a remote jungle in the least developed area of west Bengal. The reason was secrecy. IIT Kharagpur was founded for development of World’s first attempt to send a life form to Mars. The institute was named as an engineering education institute just to deceive the world and this fact it still a truth – you don’t learn anything there.

The documentary starts with black and white footages of weird places like automobile lab, people working as concentration camp labors in foundry lab and other weird yet technical places of Kharagpur. It talks about how they captured brainy guys of that time and turned into highly sophisticated bio-robots (zombies) that work relentlessly, environment friendly and efficiently.

The conversion from genius humans to genius bio-robots is a batch process namely, Manufacturing classes and labs where they are psychologically dosed for three seemingly never ending hours a week and then three hours of lab a week to actually screw the sensible part of the brain out. After 8 months of such treatment you are left with insane bio-robots. At this point this documentary shows black and white Nazi looking video footage of a three fourth sleepy class in fully packed Raman Auditorium. This may be a scene from Chemistry lecture of 1^st year. And another footage with similar effect which shows Transport Engineering Lab or Machining Lab. Few more footages goes in this section which shows acting-monkey guys and girls from Spring Fest (SF) and the narrator says that they are the bio-robots that went out of control and then it focuses towards SF Control Tents which, narrator says, is responsible to keep out of control bio-robots busy in monkey-act and keep them from disturbing the project.

The second part of the documentary starts with the present video footage of the coal refining plant. Narrator says that it is actually a space craft that flew up and down between Earth and Mars, Indians had renamed it to a coal refining plant to avoid any attention to the great machine of all times. The narrator then explains the technical sophistications of the spacecraft. And a very short launch film of the launch is shown with a shaky camera in black and white. This footage is hazy and unclear with salt and pepper noise and was taken from a big distance. At the corner of the footage red ‘EXCLUSIVE’ would be blinking.

The narrator now announces that now he is going show us some footage that our eyes would never believe and our consciousness would refuse to accept the fact. He continues with a pause, ‘this exclusive footage and documents were provided by one of the key member of the project who agreed to hand over a copy of the material on our guarantee of not to disclose his name and one day Bandh in West Bengal.’

Here starts the footage of mars.

We decided to shoot this part of documentary on an abandoned red ground near IIT Kgp, which looked perfectly like a Martian land in red lit evening sun during March. The special effect would be done in a manner that looks the video a very crappy ‘50s color video with a lot of blurs and audio and video noises.

The footage starts with blinking red ‘EXCLUSIVE’ at the top left corner. This guy, the astronaut, totally wrapped (which looks like someone hastily done the job of wrapping) in Aluminum foil with a one foot long antenna, also wrapped, coming out of his fore-head – jumps out of the spacecraft. Unable to manage to stand on the surface he rolls and then stands up embarrassed. And the screen freezes at the moment and a Windows pop up message comes saying, “A small roll by a man, a giant gyration by Mankind. To continue with the video, please click ‘Agree’ button.” The video continues when the narrator clicks the agree button. Now, the astronaut starts picking different stuffs from Martian ground sniffs, analyses and some time licks the things and puts them into his side bag. (the cloth bag)

The narrator starts, “The keen eyed and brilliant minded astronaut sneaked out some very crucial things from the Mars which laid the path of modern technology on the earth which includes diet Pepsi among the others.” Then the footage shows the stuffs that he picks from the ground. It shows the man is madly picking up stuffs. First he picks up Diet Pepsi with the message “for obese Americans of late ‘90s”, then he picks up a credit card, followed by a CD which is labeled as

‘Hotmail Installer.

Password of this CD is the name of Sabeer Bhatia’s mother. Wait till he takes birth’

Uncle’s Suggestion: In the back ground of this scene, we would show the dog, which went with the astronaut wrapped in aluminum foil with antenna projected normally his forehead, is fucking a red colored naked human-like animal (a Martian, in fact.). When finished, the dog picks something from ground and goes back in spacecraft. Later in footage, the dog is shown with a packet clutching in his mouth. Camera zooms in the packet, the label reads, “Condom. This is only for the prevention of the virus this animal is taking with it. It cannot be cured on the Earth because it needs a Mars grown herb. Thank you, visit again.”

The Mars part footage part ends here and the narrator starts with the documents given by the man.

The documentary shows an old paper with a very curvy dotted line joining Mars and Earth. The dotted line has a cross mark directly above the Earth, precisely above Pakistan, and a continuous red line joining the cross to Karachi. The narrator says, “Indian had this plan to drop an atom bomb on Pakistan from space. A very clever plan which is now being copied by USA under the name of Star Wars, the plan was failed because it crashed with a trial rocket projected by Russians. Unfortunately, Russians recorded it as mission failed due to technical malfunction while in reality, there rocket was perfect if it hadn’t collided with the atom bomb.”

The documentary proceeds with the current scene in IIT Kharagpur. It shows this astronaut shouting in Bengali mixed English by the side of ill faced dog. The narrator says, “This dog was the reason of HIV spread on the Earth. I still wonder how it passed to human and spread! [Pause]The astronaut was de-memorized. When shouts like a mad, he sometimes leaves sprinkled information about the mission in his seemingly mad talk.”

The scene moves towards Prof. M. Ramanujam. The narrator says, “The professor, who was the chief-designer of the project, was too obsessed with his work that after completion of the project he had gone out of his mind. Rumors have it that he was asked to design a water tank for PAN loop. He, supposedly, took Martian value of gravity and mis-designed the water tank and the result is that PAN loop of Kgp still suffers water problems.” Documentary shows few lunatic clips of the professor.

The narrator paused for 10 seconds when all the main clips are played once again.

Narrator starts, “So, the big question is why India is still mum? Our sources say that India is keeping a silence for its coming project. Indians are the biggest consumer of the world. They are eating up the resources like anything and growing big in population. Once the Earthly resources end up, their plan is to shift to Mars. Their next project is to consume earthly resources as fast as they can and then they would dig out whole India from the Earth, and pull it up to the Mars and settle there. In the way they may drop a neutron bomb on remaining earth to end up left outs misery and any future intrusion in their future earth – The Mars. Are you ready?”

The documentary end with the question

----------------

Authors Note: It is a hypothetical story.

B.U.F.Y. 8: Secrets Unveiled

Baby, Uncle and the Final Year (B.U.F.Y.) 8: Secrets Unveiled

Links for Part1, Part2, Part3, Part4, Part5, Part6, Part7 (Links to future parts will be available in comments)

Dharmu and My confession: Dharmu – I guess, I would never find a person who worth making friend more than Dharmu. He is a typical of My Best Friend essay that we used to write in school.

After everyone of our trio got placed, he came to Kgp to share our long awaited job treat. I drink vodka, then thought, ‘Okay! When doing sin do it completely.’ and drunk 3 vodkas, 3 cigarettes and guess, 2 beedis.

After this we went to TSC at night around 10 o’clock. With lying flat on our back, on dew drenched green grass and no light around us, January night’s moderate cold air was hovering over us from our feet passing over our tummy and getting obstructed by our noses, telling us that we were the centre of the universe for the moment. We started open heart discussion; I confessed a lot of good and bad of me, and of others. (Don’t have much to write about)

Dharmu was real emotional and for the first time I knew he was serious about someone. His talk was a mix of a responsible person’s thoughts (a less of Dharmu-like) and an emotional regular Dharmu talk. He seemed to miss his Kgp life too much and unlike now he didn’t like his job then. But then most of the time I found he was really frustrated about the fact that he didn’t have someone special… a girlfriend. (A summary of what Dharmu told on the day.)

We all felt so light hearted – no one was complaining there but it was something what AOL folks would say a ‘opening your heart’, we had one of the most emotional discussions of our Kgp life (I rate it one of my top 5 emotional discussions at Kgp).

Baby opened Uncle’s Biotech Biasing Discussion*, Uncle tried to give some toothless reason to back his point. Needless to say anyone was caring because it was not about what actually happened, it was about seeing yourself from someone else’s eyes – especially someone who doesn’t belongs to biotech group yet always less preferred over them. (As told by Baby on that day)

Uncle talked about Baby’s heavy dependency on his leaching friends, Baby was defenseless. He kept on talking making friends who eventually started over powering his own decision that he made for himself… talked about Mr. S. Singh, Mr. R. Agarawal, Lamboo and few others. But then moved back to his 2^nd year and repeated the story of an alumnus coming to Uncle’s room (which, then, was shared by Dharmu, Baby and Uncle) with his wife and daughters only to find himself in an embarrassed condition when he saw dirty porous inside-out under wears hanging in a row on a rope starting from door to one corner of a double room, and then the three universally unique cartoons somehow hiding their body with small knickers, who were in equally amazement of the moment and dilemma of playing goodie good with a previous student of institute or playing loafer and skimming the girls with their lesser girl-habitual eyes – supposedly they kept their speechless mouth open and eyes wide open, and remained movement-less until the visitors left the monkey show. (As told by Uncle on that day)

But again, it was nothing like blaming, accusing or getting an answer but more like opening up to the people you believe in. We had great 6 hours, probably the best 6 hours in the whole 5^th year.

* Biotech Biasing: This is a phenomenon in which Uncle shows his biasing towards his Biotech classmates. Uncle waves hand, shouts to his Biotech friends, who most of the time seemed to completely ignore this act of Uncle. Sometimes, Uncle leaves the companion who he came with and forcibly sticks to Biotech friends who, again, are not found happy to have Uncle with them. It doesn’t bother Uncle if a truck runs over the person he came with, if only he gets a glimpse of a Bio-techie in his range of view. (As described by Baby)

Bangalore dream and Supremo’s Extinction Plan: Here is the list:

1. Settle with GP and Nihar in a decent 2 BHK in a better place than Hebbagodi in Bangalore.
   
   
2. Get a decent broadband connection and old heavy tring-tring black dialing phone.
   
   
3. Recreate wing-like life.
   
   
4. Weekly mall view, movies and decent weekends and general hang outs.
   
   
5. To become a pain in Supremo’s ass: Who is Supremo? Supremo is some AB C college grad, who had got selected in Tavant Technology and was over –happy. He is the idiot behind the idea of starting a new James Bond copy-cat community for people who were selected to Tavant from 2007 batch namely, Tavant007. Supremo was the guy who gave this idea to place order for hand-bands exclusively for 2007 Tavantites which says – TAVANT 007. Stupidity has no start and no end, he also had this plan to show this band to their seniors and make them jealous.
   
   We realized that Supremo must be screwed; we decided to support his stupidity and amplify it with more stupid add-ons. So if he says to order a hand band, we would advice to order T-shirts saying – ‘TAVANT 007 – seniors were too idiot that Tavant had to hire fresh batch of lesser idiots’. And we knew he would like this idea with clapping hands and jumping feet.
   
   
6. Uh … oh, I was forgetting this plan to buy a Gramophone.
   Uncle Help me with other plans of ours I am kind of missing all the things that we had listed to do.

Baby and Suku-Suku: Baby has started taking long times on phone, long chats on phone with occasional suspicious smiles (blushing). We researched and found out, a particular girl keep on filling Baby’s Orkut scrapbook without caring the response from Baby side. Many times it is one liner like, ‘Kaise hain aap?’ (How are you) or ‘Aap to jawaab hi nahi dete.’ (Never answer you) and I am forgetting the typical word she used to call Baby with, I guess it was Natkhat (naughty) or Sharmeele (Shy honey-pot) or perhaps ziddi (arrogant).

(Uncle, Help maadi**… what was the exact nick name of Baby that Suku-Suku used to call with?)

**Kannada verb: used for action

Uncle (tirelessly) tried everything to get her name out and Baby never uttered a single clue even in drunken state. One thing was sure that Baby liked talking with her because he never ignored her scrapbook entries and was in contact with her even after his number has got changed lately.

Baby kept this too secret to get us some material to make a story. We started referring her Suku-Suku – a word invented by Uncle for our reference. Suku – Suku and Baby’s story is still alive I guess, and it is going good. All I hope that in near future we would be able to know her name and if got lucky he would show us her picture and we would be extremely lucky if Baby let us meet her but it is unexpected looking on Baby’s behavior towards her!

B.U.F.Y. 7: Déjà-vu, Premonition and Eventuality

Baby, Uncle and the Fifth Year (B.U.F.Y.) 7: Déjà-vu, Premonition and Eventuality
Links for Part1, Part2, Part3, Part4, Part5, Part6 (Links to future parts will be available in comments)

Placement and déjà-vu: I was over confident, something inside me kept on telling me that I was going to make it big. I found myself in contrast with reality. But then many other who thought they would fail miserably, found themselves in contrast too. It was our campus placement time when conflict with negative reality could an unaffordable deal… and it was.

Surprisingly, Uncle was too calm by appearance until Jan 21^st when he got selected in Tavant Technologies and then he expressed it in all possible ways of expression a monkey and a human can give together. There was a moment, somewhere twenty days earlier to this day, when I made uncle so frustrated that he went for Flextronics placement process where he was the only non-Matka (Matka: M.Tech. parallel entry. we assume, they have lower intellect.) Uncle thought he under estimated himself. It was a fun to listen this story every time he recites it with expression.

Baby was utterly frustrated as me, we used to sit and compare others with us for hours. Sometimes it gave a feeling of comfort to find better guys lacking success and all other times it was a pain. Baby kept on blaming himself for not taking IBM’s sure shot success interview and Tata Motors, Jamshedpur campus placement process.

Tata Motors, Pune gave him a chance to dance.

For me it was all down, as I said earlier, I was over confident. So every day, in evening, after failing some two to three written exams (leave interview alone)we used to go to Harry’s, order Medu Vada and Tea, discuss and vent out our frustration, veil, moan, howl and do it again the next day. It was more like repeating the same day again and again. Uncle named this phenomenon – déjà-vu.

There were two important turning points

1. Uncle had got another chance to get interviewed by BPCL for some biotech scientist post. it was a decent job and in some concerns better than Tavant's. Uncle had good chances to clear it because two other selected candidates were from chemistry background while Uncle had a biotech degree.
   
   Uncle missed it; call him ignorant, lazy-bone, unfortunate or over joyed… your wish. Baby and I call him back-stabbed biotechie. The story is this, Uncle, after placement, reduced his frequency to visit placement notice board to very close to zero, and so did we. Someday between Tavant’s placement day and Tavant’s disaster day, a notice came that Uncle and two other blokes had got selected for the final round of interview with BPCL. This information was there with one of the Uncle’s very close ‘biotech’ friend who revealed this, days after the interview day was gone. Uncle could have two jobs in hand and we started teasing him that he was stabbed in the back for the second time by one of “the biotechie.” Uncle had rather simple answer to defend it that he wasn’t interested into that job. We stopped teasing soon.
   
   Then the day came when Tavant ditched (third dagger in Uncle’s back) and Uncle push himself very hard to accept the fact that only if he wasn’t chiseled, he could have suffering a lot less pain in his you-know-where. (He used to accept this with three trouble lines on his forehead screaming that he could kill this guy if he was found at the moment.)
   
   
   
2. The second was Baby’s similar chaos with Force Motors, Pune. This organization was paying lot more than Tata Pune and the interview panel was visibly impressed by Baby’s skills. He had got shortlisted for the final round of the selection process and in next two weeks they would process his information and send him a return air ticket to Pune and would also bear all the expenses. Great.
   
   After this Baby had got placed in Tata Motors within a week, yet he had all the right to go for the Force Motors interview – which he really wanted to do at that time. Someone – don’t know who, but Baby would say disgustfully that one of those idiot selfish selected Matkas’ it was – reported to the training and placement cell that Baby was trying to hog on two jobs. And our overly fair training and placement department mercilessly cut his name out.
   
   I guess Baby would get red hot with anger if I would tell him that Force Motors is going to own a F1 team for 2008 F1 championship!

Jan 1^st, James Bond, Nagina and Non-sense: Had many reasons to cry out loud but Casino Royle was the main. None of us was placed, didn’t go home, IBM was gone and many other.

It was January 1^st. They say last year was unlucky New Year will bring happiness with it. I say it is only matter of time when you’ll repeat this.

We planned to watch Nagina with Coffee and Kurkure treat. Change of plan, we had to watch Casino Royle. Did a lot of non-sense and danced a bit. At the end of the movie it was clear nothing was going to change in this New Year, it will suck too. And so did it.

Tavant Drama: It was mere a reason to go home that I have got placed in Tavant Technology, otherwise days were going so hard that nothing seemed to favor me. For placements, they did all the drama of test then test again, then GD then interview. Uncle and I have got selected.

Happy but not satisfied at the time, eventually I adjusted myself (too lazy to try anything else) and Tavant seemed fine for a career starting. We were two months away from Tavant’s real fraud. We found out Tavant was an over-priced deal – the placement was just a backup for them in case of large resignation from their already revenue and customer losing company.

As the time window of this story slides two more months from now, you’ll know more about Tavant’s fraud – in coming parts of B.U.F.Y.

B.U.F.Y. 6: Betrayal near Cheddis'

Baby, Uncle and the Fifth Year (B.U.F.Y) Part:6 - Betrayal near Chheddis'
Links for Part1, Part2, Part3, Part4, Part5 (Links to future parts will be available in comments)

Uncle and Mr. Trouble Maker (TM)*: Had I not been with Uncle, I would have described TM as utterly boring, big head muggu and must have told you that he never satisfied with whatever marks he got in examination and used to go to professor and ask to increase his marks by one.

Now, I describe him like this. Had it not been TM, the hottie from Chandigarh would have been Uncle’s girlfriend. (And we could have got more chances to make a feast for eyes)

In short, Uncle persuaded this real babe girl to join Kgp and TM was the one who was taking all the fun from Uncle’s hard work. Unfortunately, TM and the girl were bold enough to make public display of affection (including clinching each-other’s butt) and every time Uncle saw this PDA he felt like TM was nailing long, thick, rusted and blunt nail into his heart and then shaking it to widen the hole!

Once uncle was eating corn (Bhutta) TM came sneaking from the back and snatched it (and obviously started eating.) Uncle turned back to find out TM and then the hottie by the side of him. TM was smiling on his clever trick of snatching the food from Uncle. And Uncle was busy in calculating the amount of damage that TM had done to his ‘to be life’. TM had already taken the girl from him and now he was on his food too. All that Uncle could say at the moment was, “Kya kya chhinega mere se yaar tu?” (What else do you have in list to rob from me? Hmm, buddy?)

Poor Uncle, I feel sorry for you (and for us all)

*Mr. Trouble Maker: Mr. TM’s name is replaced due to strong opposition but believe me, Mr. TM does exist.

Gandi Maggie, Naale ka kinara, Chhedi’s and the Cow before the Train (Filthy Maggie, Drainage Odour, Chhedi’s and the Cow before the Train): A typical description of the most famous night hang-out place of our times, for IITians at Kharagpur – Chhedis aka 6ds.

[I am sorry that I do not have an image of chhedis', I would appreciate if someone provides me with one]

SCENE: 1

3 AM at Chhedi’s, order Maggy and Tea. The boys, who worked there, were ambidextrous cleaner, waiter, cashier and cook… all in one, they lived shabby. Here is a list of activities of a boy that you can watch once you have placed your order. He goes to pee in bushes with slipper on; the way to bushes is dusty which makes his feet dust-full. Then while coming back through the dusty path he realizes that he saw a small dirty (perhaps spotted with red spit of Pan) piece of paper submerged into the dirt – the paper usually has a semi naked photograph, nothing else can be more exciting than a semi-nude woman pretty dirty and totally covered with dirt. Can anything be? – so he picks it up, sees it, momentary pause, then he runs to Chhedi’s to share it with other worker boys. They laugh. Then the boss comes and kicks their butt, and asks them to serve food to the customers. The guy with dirty, dusty and unhygienic hands, takes the steel plate full of Maggy in one hand with his four finger dipped inside hot Maggy and on other he carries four glasses full of tea, again four fingers dipped in four glasses (one finger to each customer’s glass, fair distribution) and he starts moving towards customers – mind that he hadn’t washed his hand yet – but then, on the way, he finds out that his slipper’s strip is loose. He puts the Maggy on one of the several benches lying by the side of road, where a stray dog smells the Maggy and finds nothing interesting to fight for. This guy tightens the slipper strip with Maggy dipped hand and holds Maggy again in same manner and serves us. While going back to serve other customer, He takes all the finished plates already cleaned by a lurking dog’s tongue.

SCENE: 2

There flows a very-very smelly sewage very close to place where you sit and eat your Gandi Maggy.

Chedi’s itself is a uniquely attractive place; they misplace the orders, make a delay and that gives you a reason to talk more and blame Chedi’s service for it. If you ask for more sauce you may not get it at all, but you would surely listen a reply from Michael (aka Mohan) that ‘Abhi saadi nahi hui hai humaari, saas kahaan se laayein’ (I’m yet a single where would I get a saas (mother-in-law) for you.)

SCENE: 3

And one more attractive ambience is ultra slow moving goods train. So whenever a cow or a goat or anything alive comes into the way of the train the driver stops the train; comes down and gently make it go out of the rail. He patiently does it again, if the animal walk in again.

We love chhedi’s for the reasons that no matter whether it is your worst day or the best, it gives you unknown pleasure to hang out in Chedi’s with friends or without them (I went there many times alone in the 5^th year.)

B.U.F.Y. 5 : My Girl vs Your Girl

Uncle and Girls vs. Baby and Girls:
Link for Part1, Part2, Part3, Part4 (Links to future parts will be available in comments)

[Please donot ask for real identities]

We were guys without guts; I mean I am sure for me at least. So there are three kinds of cowards. One is Uncle Type, who can talk to girls but nothing more or less than academics. Second is Baby Type, who can talk to girl and help them but it is more like brotherly talk and brotherly help. Third is My Type, the females whom he can talk are found in two categories, one Motherly category which contains his Mom only and other, Sister category which contains his sibling sisters.

Baby and Uncle had this habit of throwing mud on each-other while talking about the others girl-repelling power. I will just put it point-wise. Usually this discussion goes very long.

Uncle and Girls:

1. Got one hot Librarian who lived in Lucknow where Uncle was living at that time. Uncle used to go in the same train as her. Happen to talk her – may be two times. Never had guts to invite her for a coffee.
   A lot of push from Baby and my side made him to invite her to his room on our Hall’s Day. (We don’t know the truth whether he actually invited her.)Uncle for the first time in his CGE life cleaned the room and hid all the unsocial stuffs.
   She never came.
2. Got another chance on a hottie (Uncle, you son of a bi*ch!) from Chandigarh. Uncle single handedly persuaded her father to make sure the girl takes admission in Biotech Dept IIT Kharagpur.
   Uncle succeeded and perhaps the girl showed some tinny-tiny interested in Uncle. But Uncle remained “friendly.”
   This story will be discussed again during this sequence.

Baby and Girls:

1. Baby is too brotherly to girls. Unlike screw minded people like me, Baby has different POV. Not much to talk, he found out a sister who were kind enough to send him gifts and home-made sweets.
   Good for him, yet Uncle never left a chance to tease Baby that he missed a chance. (I call it Atom Bomb, whenever Baby dominates in ‘Uncle could not get a girl friend’ discussion. Uncle drops it and the discussion stops with sour taste at the end.)
2. When Baby came back from his summer trip to Saharanpur in 2006, he came with blush. Something fishy was apparent. Especially when he started denying that he had a girlfriend and started talking long hours on phone.
   The activity was traceable on Orkut. But again, it was like drinking water from black well with a straw (capillary).

We were the great losers in this arena. Lately Uncle started ‘Orkut Hunt’ but it was futile.

------

Thanks to esta.sketch for the illustration.

B.U.F.Y. 4: Brain Thief - Phone Thief

Baby, Uncle and the Fifth Year (B.U.F.Y.) Part 4: Brain Thief - Phone Thief
Link for Part1, Part2, Part3

Baby and Guide’s Chaos: Baby was one of serious guys in Mechanical Engineering although it never reflected in his grade point averages. He was one of those freaky big heads who choose their project guide six months before the project starts. He talked to Prof. Ghosh Malik who agreed to take him as his intern.

Happily in next semester when Baby went to the professor for official paperwork done, he promptly denied the fact that he was ever agree on the fact of Baby being his intern. Baby, now broken hearted, realized that even the laziest guy had ‘booked’ an easy guide for himself and that he had no other option than to choose Prof. XYZ Murthy.

Murthy was one of those professors who never believed in students (Mechanical Engineering had a majority of those) and no matter how hard Baby worked professor had a way to scold him. It may be as big as manipulation of data to as small as a formatting issue.

Baby shaves, puts on formals, wear no fashionable accessories on the day when he has to meet to his project guide. It was like he’s going for interview. He returns frustrated with mouthful slangs for his guide and comes to me or to Uncle with a wish to go out to Harry’s for Medu Vada and fag. There we used to talk how worse our life was. Obviously we never knew.

Baby wrote a poem dedicated to his guide which compares his guide to Hitler.

Uncle, Lamboo and Flip-flop Phone: Ever since we came to a conclusion that Nihar’s flip flop mobile was stolen by Lamboo, we kind of started hating this guy. We blame him for anything and everything wrong happening in the universe. So we could make a conspiracy theory that far inside the Andromeda if some planet collides with massive asteroid which tore it apart, it was Lamboo who designed this disaster.

Uncle seemed to enjoy this information the most. He assumes that Lamboo, who had stolen the flip flop, knew that we knew about his hand in it and since he was acting innocent, he would not disagree any less than Uncle when he stares straight in his eye and talk about the possibility of another mobile phone theft.

Uncle used to do it like this. He would stand straight face-to-face to Lamboo. He would hold Lamboo’s both shoulders firmly, shake it vigorously as if waking him up then would make stable eye contact and start, “Abe sun, saale. Wing mein mobile phone chor hai, bahut choriyaan ho rehi hai. Tu bhi apna phone chhupaa ke rakh pataa nahi chor ki nazar tere mobile par ho.” (Keep your eyes wide open, no one knows whose mobile is next. The thief is still in the wing and active.)