Saturday, January 21, 2006

Baby's Bad-Day

Baby’s Bad-Day

{Before You Read This Article I declare that this post should not be considered as SERIOUS. This post is just a recreation of an humorous event. I retouched whole event. Lastly and more importantly this post do not mean to hurt, humiliate, disgust or mock anyone. Please enjoy this post and do not take it otherwise. I apologise in advance for using such a foully language. }

Sky was clear, smooth-cold-eastern wind was creeping silently, moon was on glory and three devil minds were searching for a prey – searching insanely. Hovering on Orkut profiles they finally got one – The One who will be made to suffer for no reason – It was Baby and the “No Reason” was baby’s profile photograph which has (or had – if removed) enhanced brightness. So the drama begins. What you are going to find next is the scrapbook entries made to Baby’s Orkut Scrapbook by the worshipers of devil. Note that these Scraps have been deleted by Baby after no more than 10 minutes when it was posted.

nt timing:
11: 10 PM to 12:05 AM, January 12, 2006

Language: Hindi

Genre: Offensive, Abusive and Comedy

Rating: R for pervasive language. Strictly for 18+

Casting: Baby (Hero), Dharmu, Nema and Naishe in Guest Appearance (Main Villains), introducing – Tauseef Rouff and Mathur, Spl. Thanks to GP

Based on True Story of RK CGE.

When the play starts it is mentioned that the ‘event’ takes place sometime around mid-night but the last scene is pictured on evening.

[Following is conversation with Baby through Orkut Scrapbook]

Naishe: Kya be Baby Jhaantu! Kitna percent brighness badaa rakha hai?

[After10 minutes, it was found that message was deleted and without any warning Naishe (Nishant) was removed from Orkut friend-list of Baby]

Dharmu: Baby Betic**d delete (Message) Q kiya be? Aur agar Nishant ko delete kiya hai to mujhe bhi delete kar de. Tune ek dost ko delete kiya… ja ab Lambu ko chhodkar, poori wing ko delete kar de. Ek baat aur yeh jo tera baal hai naa use thik karwaa le chooze jaisa lagta hai. Saale yehi dosti hai teri .. ja mujhe bhi delete kar de aur Load le le. Time ho gaya hai load lene ka. BYE choozaa dost.

Apurva: Murga bola kukudoo kooooon, Hua savera. Soye Kyun… next time when you go to barber shop take written instruction to the barber and write them before you get drunk.

[Baby. Enters in Naishe’ room (The then Adda for lukkhagiri)…. Next conversation is live ]

Baby: Dharmu madharc**d, Behan***d, maa ke l****, …chutiye saale. Tere ko aur koi kaam nahi hai kya? Jab dekho doosaro ko pareshaan karta rave hai.

Dharmu: Tune Nishant ko delete kyu kiya? Saaale yehi dost….

Baby: Delete karoon naa karoon tereko kya?... Scrap ghar ke log padte hain. Tum saale…. Yehi hai tumhari.. jahaan teri locality hai wahi .. ka asar hai. Tum log ki locality hi gandi hai. Aur tu Nema saale..

Nema: Are? Maine kya kiya bhai? Kyun bekar mere maathe aa reha hai. Baby Sun…

Dharmu: Haan CGE ka hi asar hai. Tere bagal mein rehta hoon naa. Isi ka asar hai……

Baby: Aur yrh Buddha (Mathur) salaa. Haraaam ka tattaa. Marega saale…

[Baby leaves the room and enters into Mathur’s room…. Mathur starts screaming.. it gets louder and then stops abruptly. Some conversation takes place and baby leaves his room and return to his own room]

[Dharmu’s profile gets banned by Baby. Next conversations are on Orkut Scrapbook]

Tauseef: Kya be fir se delete kar diya… kis-kis ko delete karega? Is tarah to sirf teen log bachenge – you know who – lol. Chooze baal mujhe nahi .. barber ko ja ke maar.

[Tauseef’s profile gets banned]

[Scraping through GP’s profile was tried but it was found that he had got banned even before he could send a single scrap message.]

Nema: Kya be Khujli Master…ohh … oh .. sorry Bluffmaster ke bhai Khujlimaster.. delete kar mujhe bhi saale… choooze baal wale… baal kataa k kahin aur lagaa le .. jahaan tu baal chhupa sake. Aaj se jindagibhar main tujhe roz 100 scrap bhejunga.. yeh hai hamaaraa new year ka resolution … Aur haan plz meri profile friend-list mein add kar le yaar .. yeh mera nayaa banayaa hua ID hai.

[After10 minutes, it was found that scrap was nor deleted]

Nema: Kya be abhi tak delete nahi kiya. Dekh maine nayaa ID bhi banaa liya. Choooze.

[10 minutes later. No reaction.]

Nema: Pyaar hamaaraa chhoote naa. Dosti yeh toote naa. Tu Orkut se chaahe hume delete kar dena…… Are!! Yeh to kavita ban gayi. With love your Wingmates .[Kiss]

[2 minutes later]

Nema: Baby ban kar… jo tarika Sahi Singh (Guess?) ne batayaa ho tere ko. Ab tera load lene ka time khatam ho gayaa Qki tera barah baj gayaa hai.

[This message could never be sent because Nema was benned till now. Other wing-mates denied sending a message in order to maintain a better DIPLOMATIC relation with baby. And the long conversation of baby with Mathur made him the weakest link of chain. Now Scraping is over but Asses of all characters were Red for a real-time drama. ]

[Dharmu started commenting on Baby which made Baby furious. Baby attacked Dharmu, having killer spirit within. The story ends with Baby’s non-achievable chase for Dharmu. The last scene fades up showing baby running behind Dharmu on a flat dusty Ground, before them there is a large, pale-red, tired evening-sun about to die and the two rivals disappears beyond the horizon. ]


Direction, Script and Narration: Nishant Neeraj a.k.a. Naishe

Production, Marketing & Advertisement: Dharmendra Kumar a.k.a. Dharmu

Stunts and Special Effects: ****** a.k.a. baby

Distributor: Blogspot, Google Corp.

Special Thanks to: All the members of RK CGE, Tauseef Rouff and SF2006 which made Naishe so sick that he found it less boring to recreate a useless event.


Jan 20, 2006; 3:00 A.M., Kharagpur, India

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Saturday, January 07, 2006

The Name Game

The Name Game

What's in a name? That which we call a rose by any other name would smell as sweet.
- William Shakespeare

“Believable and true!” they say. But here is my theory. Every name, which one calls to you with, has specific meaning. The Nick-name, one has for you, shows many shades of one’s brain – one’s interior. It shows how much a person respects you. How much he/she loves you or hates you. It shows how close you two (you and your Nick-Buddy) are. And Beware when someone changes your Nick ‘coz it’s the first indication that the person has already moved one step closer or farther to you, emotionally.

I have loads of nicks of mine. Each nick has a story. No matter whether I love my nicks or not, they are always with me as shades of my personality, as a sketch embossed on timeline of my life, as a memorial of relationships. So here we go with some of my nicks and related story.

Pinu----pronounced as Peenoo. The story goes back before I born. Before my birth whenever my elder sisters used to fight for any toy, my mother made them stop by saying, “What toy will Pinu (A fictitious name for a boy which hasn’t born yet) play with, if you two break it?” And it was so famous that when I opened first time my eyes to this world, the nurse shouted out, “Congrats! It is Pinu.”

Ratnesh -----It was my first school name. My parents gave me this name because it’s beautiful to have son’s name matching with his father (My father’s name is Ratan Kumar). Until class 10th I was known as Ratnesh Kumar and all friends who knew me before class 10th still call me with this name.

P.P.----------Whenever make a beautiful drawing or wrote a story or created a poem or distorted a song, I use to put my name as P.P.

Pipaila -------Whenever I made a strange drawing or performed a weirdo-act, “It is Pipaila who did it.”, I used to blame in childhood.

Pinak Pani---My mother says that I born because of blessings of Lord Shiva. And another name of Shiva is Pinak Pani (The One Having Trishula Pinak). So this is one more my authorized name.

Lallu -------Though this is a little comic name, this is reserved for my Papa and Grandpa.

Nishant Neeraj --This is my current official name. Named by my mom and is snatched from deep Hindi Literature. My mother is a genius at creating meaningful and highly specialized names. The name encapsulates her deep feeling to a son and also shows the meanness of Indian society regarding having a son or male dominancy. Nishant Neeraj means the lotus which causes sun to rise by opening itself (Literally). A parallel meaning is “a son who makes heart of his mother bloom” (figuratively). And for the third meaning, you need to know a little about me. I am first son of my parents after two daughters and before my birth, my mother had been suffering taunts and social pressure for not having a boy child. So I was the one who brought ‘ray of light’ or ‘light of relief’ (remember the first meaning? It say I caused the sun to rise i.e. I am the bringer of light.).

Motu-------I used to be fat – a fat-big-liar. Motu means Fat. It’s reserved for my sisters.

Danthtute---My mother used to say this during my childhood because at any time during this period I never had full set of teeth. Another name during same period is Dant-terhe (One has non-straight tooth). Dant-tute means one has broken tooth/teeth.

Naishe------1st year IIT Kharagpur – every one had some nick. I created Naishē. It is pronounced as Nash.

Neeru-------Reserved for Praveen Kumar.

Nirlajj-------Used by G. Vijay Sagar, Susheel, Maneesh, Harish and whole JCB F-top 2002 batch wing. Nirlajj means shameless.

N2--------- It is short form of Nishant Neeraj. Used by Neeraj (Baby), Abhishek (Lamboo) and Vixy.

Lakha-------Based on a character in Hindi Movie Lagaan which has long hair and cruel face like me. Used by same trinity mentioned above.

Lambe Baal--Means ‘One having long hairs’ and I am.

Sam---------During my summer Training 2005 in DLW, I met three ultimate devilish pricks. They used to talk in same accent we see in Hindi dubbed animated movies. They call each other by nicks Jack, Mac and Pac. So when I joined them we became Jack, Mac, Pac and Sam.

Nishie--------The nascent-most name. Used by Saurabh Gupta (a.k.a. Bhagwan).

There are many nick- names of mine; most of them distorted forms of above mentioned name. Some names I did not mention cuz either they were very- very short lived or forgotten.

Jan 06, 2006 2:30 am